Best Friend or Romance…Let’s Not Call The Whole Thing Off

ness23456 Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

I am an older gentleman who has lost or misplaced many friends. Three best friends died before their times by accidents or disease, and one got swept away by the strong currents of a cult*. Others were lost to career moves, love, loss of love, family matters, and irreconcilable differences. Life had blessed me-at this stage of my life–with lots of “peripheral” friends but no Best Friend** (BF). Don’t view that as sad, and—in case you were wondering—I had nothing to do with the deaths. Stop watching Crime Shows.

It was age 50 when the rule only a male could be another male’s best friend went in the garbage bin with the Members Only jackets and loose-fitting jeans***. Females of our species as potential, non-sexual, long-time partners, possibly a best friend during the male’s mate-hunting prime? Um, no. Not in my life, anyway. If you don’t understand ponder the existence of blow-up dolls. Anatomically correct blow-up dolls. With names.

But at age 50 there was a life-partner change brought on by the miracle of the Right Person (RP) finally entering a location close enough to appear on my radar. With the excellent hindsight of 74 years, she originally entered as a love interest. She was smart, secure, independent and could care less about my problems, she had her own. As age helped the romantic fire flame out, there was enough in the embers to make staying together worthwhile and we were BFs (and occasionally more) for over 20 years, longer than anyone else. Male or female. BF or not.

And then she left.  

But now, the BF “hope” at this age is not limited to one half of the population, the potential pool is twice what it was at age 30.  Those who don’t urinate into a stainless steel trough at sporting events can now be considered for the exalted position BF.**** A true benefit of old age, and it comes at just the right time.

A new BF for this time in my life has been found. When you read about my UPer (Unidentified PERson), that is her. She needs to remain nameless. There may be some lingering criminal issues in other states she doesn’t deserve to get mixed-up in. Wonder if she has the same issue? The best thing about a BF is we can keep secrets…from each other. It’s a wonderful thing to have in your life. UPer: Thank you for the time investment, vulnerability, and the possibility of a “ride-or-die” loyalty. Long may we last.

            This post is written for all the males and females, senior males and females, lonely and looking for love. And romance. Look for something else. Look for friendship. Those other things may follow. And this applies to everyone. God really doesn’t care who you love as long as you love someone. Take a closer look at all your current relationships, peripheral acquaintances, and contacts. You might be missing something.

*It happened in 1978. He was a childhood friend and best man at my first wedding. His 24-inch by 24-inch self-portrait of how happy he was with Jesus was done in crayon and folded to letter size for mailing. Every year since the internet I’ve googled the return address. It still does not exist, even on google maps. Why not? And yes, I consider it might have been me he was getting away from, but he was running towards something, not away, so there’s hope for him. After nearly 50 years.

**It is assumed everyone knows the difference between friend and “best” friend? Per AI: “a best friend is usually defined by three main factors: vulnerability, time investment, and a ride-or-die loyalty”. But what does Ai know? It also says “friend” and “best friend” are often “interchangeable”. Nerd.

***Sleepwear, now, every chance I get. No, not pajamas…SLEEPWEAR. Public pajamas.

****There is no additional “F” for forever. Ever.

Civilization and People and God

ness23456 Tags: , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

It occurred to me as I was reading the normal allotment of assorted news this morning, there may be a higher force involved in the rise and fall of civilizations. National Geographic once published a large, fold out chart showing the timeline of the major civilizations that have come and gone from the Earth. Incas, Mayans, Sioux, Ottomans, as well as Celts, Pics, Huns, and multiple Asian Dynasties. The information is too large for my own mental storage system, and too diverse to even memorize all the lost civilizations, but the graphic point illustrated is that civilizations have come and gone for all the time the globe has spun, making ripe opportunities for current civilizations to learn enough lessons to do better next time and last longer. But do we?

Most dynasties flame out after a few hundred years, an important fact as we begin to celebrate 250 years of the United States of America. It appears we haven’t learned anything as we are on the very cusp of a slope we can either go down or avoid. History often cites hubris and over-extension as a reason for a civilization to disappear, but no one can ever be sure. Imagine a population getting so big it outgrows not only sewer systems, but food delivery systems, health systems, and judicial systems. It’s a simple step, then, to infer a collapse of society and a descent into unstoppable chaos and decay. As our 2026 government focuses on external expansion, internal issues fester and multiply, all the while government hopes money, riches, wealth, rare earth metals, and other tangible things are the glue that will hold us together for another 250 years.

In remembering the chart as it was on my wall, and staring at it every day, it looked like a complicated system of trial and error, start and restart. If looked like a record of humankind  trying to figure out the best “style” civilization to ensure long-lasting survival, it tells a story. The main problem appears to be the generations of citizens populating those civilizations. Looked at this way, we (the Royal We) have tried one way, it didn’t work, we tried another, and we tried another, but we didn’t give up…for millions of years.

Unless you are an atheist, or a strong-willed agnostic, it’s hard not to see the hand of a Higher Power directing these actions on the macro (world) level, while we can also empathize with the suffering that must have been endured at the micro (person) level. One can hope, by the way, that the Higher Power was of some comfort to the billions of humans on that micro level who died. What else could it be to them? The sun didn’t just come and go, a god made it happen.

The conclusion reached by this writer is one he senses in life: there is a God, but He lets us work things out on our own. No fire and brimstone, no flooding, just live and learn and faith and hope. What else do we need? Over a few million years, and billions of lost lives, we will eventually get to a civilization that works and makes God…happy? Hard to say, since God being unhappy might, yet, yield Armageddon-ish consequences. But He is playing the Long Game and probably still holds out hope (faith?) we will get it right…. someday. The hard part for those of us existing now is, it may not be this moment, this very time, when we get it right. Should we take consolation in understanding we are just part of an incremental step in the establishment of a world where all can live in peace and harmony?

Maybe, but here is what God wants from His people in any civilization: Love everyone, and live The Golden Rule.

Sounds corny but think of your best friend and how you are when you are around him, her, or them*. Now imagine feeling the same for everyone else. In this day and age, your next thought will be about how you CAN’T live that way, and those thoughts are normal and necessary for micro survival but… what if they weren’t? What if micro survival did not even matter…in the long term? And what about the ages and ages and ages of life to follow? And when our macro leaders fail us, where do we go when we are no longer breathing? And what if, with each passing civilization, a larger and larger per cent of its people lived God’s macro dream and worked for the best we could be? Will the deaths of 800 billion others be worth it?

That National Geographic chart on my wall ended in 2009, but it is not the end of the story, just the latest update. Those of us alive, now, should see it as a start and imagine where we go from here.

Just have faith? Yes. Hope will help a lot, too.

Or not.

*A nod to pets, too, and other plants and animals. Our ancestors.

The MTV Crisis

ness23456 Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Your’s truly has been struggling for years to explain the meaning and ramifications of both misinformation and disinformation (MisandDis). It didn’t help that the examples and cases cited revolved around world events and politics. We all know trying to talk about those subjects ends in a stubborn, sad stalemate with each side the victor and each side the loser.

But life dropped the perfect subject for explaining not only how MisandDis happens, but how fast they happen and how hard it is slow or correct. Is the subject The Venezuela Invasion? The Congo strife? Greenland? Eurovision 2026 Dropouts? Sidebar: Thanks to an Austrian win in 2025 the 2026 competition will be held in a weiner. Google it.

All good guesses for most of us, and Eurovision was close, but a subject easier for most of the world to finally focus their concern? MTV. On December 22, 2025, MTV—wait, you all know what MTV is, right? I forgot my audience. If you don’t know, look it up and even if you’re old, where the hell have you been these last 44 years? Save me space and google it.

MTV put out a press release with the Headline “MTV Going Off The Air” The release stated all the facts in the article explaining that headline but forgot modern readers are not reading articles but headlines and clickbait. You, the reader, for example, did your news “aggregator” or collector, or speed service source app inform you MTV was going “off the Air”?

And do you think MTV is no longer being broadcast or streamed? You should think that, because millions of podcasters, new apps, and news sources picked up the headline and ruined most of the world’s day with news of the beloved (??) MTV falling by the wayside. The internet erupted with “Save MTV” lunacy, as if not having MTV was like, like NOT having MTV and The Jersey Shore People and Real Life people, and…can’t help you with it anymore because MTV was sent off my personal airwaves when they stopped showing music videos with naked women. But others are really, really, really were going to miss MTV so much…so, so, much.

MTV is not going off the air. I checked YouTubeTV and RuPaul is strutting his stuff on MTV right next to me as I type. (No, it’s not distracting, it’s research.) So what happened? No body did any research. The new normal for information and news delivery, per the request of everyone but me, it seems, is to listen to podcasts and stories shared on sites like X, (Official name: “Xformerly known as twitter”), Instagram, and all the other crappy nu-researched, unedited, and unregulated places lazy people get news, now. Why the feck did I get a degree in journalism? The original press release from MTV talked about ancillary MTV services like Music, and other related MTV sites I could care less about, but THE MTV was still going to “make content”. The innocent but incomplete headline of the press release was seized, copied, pasted, and talked about all over the world in hours. And the angst began. I’m wondering if the second part of MYV’s marketing plan*, the explanation for why the entire world mistakenly thinks MTV is gone, will go around the world as fast as the first stage.

            Facebook. LinkedIn. MySpace. All of the social web sites young and old people enjoy visiting are NOT news organizations. They are mouthpieces** and post “news” for “click bait”, or “rage bait”, not information and education. I appeal to all readers to move back to legacy media of ANY bias to get news and facts about events of the world. Legacy media may—will–slant the news but they won’t make it up and won’t disseminate MisandDis. They get sued for that shite. Podcasters get a bonus. Do you know where your news sources are tonight?

“Google it” is not an information source, it is a research tool. If you google “shite”, for example, you will get thousands of responses. How to know which is right? First, isn’t not knowing anything about “shite” why you googled it to begin with? Hm. Now you might have to start thinking. Sucks, huh.

            *Genius, utter genius. They’ve got an old fart like me talking about them. And you reading. When was the last time you paid ANY attention to MTV?

            **Emphasis on “mouth”.

How Many Of Us Are There?

ness23456 Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

My UPER (Unnamed PERson) sent me a wonderful link to a nice, well-spoken gentlemen who discussed an intellectual and psychological concept you see all the time in these postings: the fragmentation of our psyche, what makes up our personalities and determines our actions. My postings use an Inner Voice (IV) and Outer Voice (OV) to illustrate inner mental and emotional conflicts. Regular readers* have been exposed to the inner dialogue IV and OV love to have about my life, its situations, and actions. Sorry for exposing myself**. Discerning readers also note there is an un-designated umpire ruling over the IV and OV debates, an entity making rulings, taking decisive actions, and writing these posts. Does that entity have a name?

Our brains are wonderfully intricate and obtuse. Ai obtuse for its “second” definition. The brain is bombarded with data from all sides, angles, and forms. Sight, sound, touch, political debate, and unfunny humor, so how does it decide what data, what stimuli to respond to? No one knows for sure, but I posit our magnificent gray watermelons take it ALL in, like a security camera, and park the data someplace in case it’s needed. Imagine the size of that data file after 73 years.

Who or what needs that data? And how is it recovered? Is there an app? And is it different for all 8 billion people? In the world of psychology, from here on out called The Circus, theories and guesses and opinions, oh my, abound. See the Pixar movie “Inside Out”, for a light-hearted examination of mental life. The Circus is different from excellent, rigorous, verifiable scientific research into the structures and mechanisms of the brain, where opinions are irrelevant.

Under The Circus’s tent you’ll find many “models” of personality that are used to treat corresponding symptoms/diseases of the “brain”, diagnosed by applying an individual’s actions to the individual model being used in the examination. Some results are good, positive, results, some are not. Fixing a broken mind isn’t as easy as fixing a broken bone. Or removing a misfiring heart. The word isn’t used anymore, but how many of us if we are looked at using the “correct” model might be labeled “crazy”? Everyone knows Freud’s name, but does everyone know what he postulated about the human mind? Ai him and read it. Or the many others*** in The Circus trying valiantly to bring their big-top show into the halls of actual science, oftentimes including simple self-help concepts meant to wrangle the mind into what it should be, according to the model of the time. I’ve been exposed to a lot of the models and could call IV, OV, and The Unnamed Umpire ID, Ego, and Superego to make myself happier. Or use the bible solution and replace all bad thoughts and lies with God’s Word. Or renew any addiction that makes thinking about things easier. Simple, profound advice when trying to understand your brain and its actions is to use anything that works for you, doesn’t destroy you, costs little, and doesn’t harm anyone else. IV OV and The Umpire are screaming in my ear to suggest you use their model. Actually, OV and IV are debating loudly while The Umpire is telling them to shut the hell up, we’re trying to be helpful, here. Like any other family, it will work out. Or not.

A thing to remember and helps: in 100 years none of it will matter or be remembered. OV wanted 200 years, IV wanted 50, The Umpire compromised.

Funny, happy ending? The fingers did exactly what they were told.

*I use “regular” because “irregular” readers don’t care or don’t know.

**It just sounds funny to admit it in writing.

***Transactional Analysis. CBT, DBT, and ACT to name a few acronyms. Maybe we need as many treatments as there are individuals?

Pop Culture? Hm.

ness23456 Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

What is “pop culture”? The term appears in news stories and televised shows about what is happening in the world. So…what is happening?

Pop Culture appears to be a subset of Consumerism, the bane of all moral life but the driving force of American Industry. If you need a definition of Consumerism, google or Ai it. My definition is biased and uninformative, seeing as how it paints the phenomenon in a slightly demented ochre.*  For instance, take a moment right now and look around you, in your closets, pantries, and garages. How much of what you see is really needed by you? Or anybody?

Old anti-everything radicals from the 1960s were against consumerism as a type of collateral side hustle, but it fit our narrative as a supporting argument: America didn’t care about the young men sent off to die In Viet Nam, a country that is now one of our biggest trading  partners, supplying Pop Culture and American Consumers with all the useless goods they need. It is a sad thought to think the posterity of the Viet Cong are now knitting garments for anyone who needs cheap underwear.

And there it is, one of the problems with Consumerism: as it advertises(sic) us into a buy buy buy mindset, the powers making all the money never tell us we aren’t buying American Made Products. They don’t hide it from us either…now. So where is the so-called defense of consumerism as a driver of the economy if non-Americans are depositing their American dollars in their own nations’ bank? Do we ship them Pop Culture as a fair trade? Is there a tariff, involved?

That thought just illuminated the purpose, goal, and joie de vivre of pop culture. In the old days, advertisers, hereafter called Admen**, sat around thinking of what useless product to manufacture that people would buy in huge enough quantities to make a huge enough profit. Some of their ideas? Hula Hoops. Frisbees. Pet Rocks. Cabbage Patch Kids.****

But in the new marketing days of Pop Culture, manufacturers can watch the internet, see what “pops” and then go make it to satisfy got-to-have-it consumers. The first product coming to mind is diamonds. They used to be A Girls Best Friend when the Admen were pushing them, Now, EVERY kiss begins with a diamond company whose name begins with K, and somewhere there is a young, impressionable something or other needing to get the kiss, so he/she/they buy one. Consumerism is the model for DEI.  Why limit your markets/suckers? Sell to everyone.  A more obvious product is the people involved in Pop Culture who build a “Brand” or following and then look for products and manufacturers to take advantage of how well “liked” the Brand has become. It appears females are very good at Brand Building. That cuts the number of Admen needed in our modern economic miracle of a country.  It’s poetic karma that old Admen aren’t needed anymore.

There isn’t really enough time to rant about Pop Culture and Consumerism in a short post. A proper rant needs a whole book. But…imagine if we all bought only what we needed? There is lots of collateral damage in an out-of-control consumer economy: homelessness for example, while rich people build houses large enough to house a battalion of Viet Cong.

Consumers’ benefit when we can easily get the things we need, like toilet paper. That’s good for all of us, especially if you find one of the many brands, styles, thicknesses, and patterns that works without tearing you a new one.*** Maybe we can tone down the influence that causes us to need a certain handbag, or sneaker, no matter what it costs. (See past post about Dynamic Model Pricing.)

Eh. Money has the Power, even Pop Culture bows to it, and it’s wrong to hope for a perfect economic system when we are so imperfect, ourselves. Do this next time you need to buy something, though, ask why you want it, first, and see what happens. Unless its toilet paper. Get that one fast.

Caveat: I, too, have stuff I don’t need. When I typed “imperfect”, It meant all of us.

And was it too subtle, talking about Pop Culture and toilet paper in the same post?

*Look that up for help understanding a sentence rife with “irony”.

**There were women in adverting in the Old Days. Guess what they did?

***What a terrible play on words.

****These products experience a life after their normal sales death: collectibles.

For The Childish, The Young At Heart, And Anyone Who Wants To Be

ness23456 Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

I’ve written about Seasonal Affective Disorder(SAD) before and it’s time to mention it again. I call it SAD because that what it is, but when it tried to grab me recently, tools to combat its kidnapping attempt were readily at hand. One tool is childishness, also known as silliness, which is not to be confused with The Ministry of Silly Walks, though if SAD keeps happening, we might need to mount an appropriate Federal response.

SAD likes to come at night and park itself between the ears before you are awake enough, to recognize its infestation and open the toll box. So it was last night, but I was on to it early. My second-floor wall of windows lets me see the world from above and as the snow fell and covered everything, the first thought was how lucky I was to face the parking lot. Other times in the year the direction I faced was irrelevant. But when it snows, I am blessed to see the beauty of the snowfall, the silent throttling of all negativity, the carpeting of the dirty, dingey world with something pure (at night only!), white, and Godlike. (Apologies for calling it God’s dandruff, in an earlier afternoon post.) From high on the…from my window then the world goes quiet, beautiful, serene…you could hear a pin drop on the soft, snowy cushions*

Then the machines come. Big, ornery machines, throwing the snow aside as if angry for the snow’s hubris. The machine march begins with one large, Transformer-like, crab-walking, black exhaust spewing noisy mother-, sorry, big freaking thing. It makes mighty sweeps through the parking lot grid as if it were PacMan high on a Power Pellet. Then, the smaller worker bees, the fine-tuners come out and scurry around the grid, snipping, here, cutting here, and leaving piles of used, white fabric in the main grid for PacMan. As if divinely designed, Pacman takes all the snow off stage left to a pile I can imagine is snow heaven. Or snow purgatory? Probably just a big pile, but you get the drift.**

As if that wasn’t enough entertainment, these little black stick figures began to move about. Most were unrecognizable with coverings of enormous bulbous-ness and fluffiness, but there was a figure in shorts. His appearance was brief. Most walked with high strides, as if practicing for Monty Python. They all walked towards mounds of snow from which lights shown, as if someone had a remote starter for their cars and they had, oh, yes, exactly like that.

Tai Chi*** has a movement called “Stroking The Birds Tail”. Every one of the stick figuers must be a Tai Chi master cause they also used “Moving The Clouds Away”, and finally, “Lotus Flower”. No one did “White Crane Spreads Its Wings”, but my neighbors’ knowledge of ancient Chinese movements was not only impressive, but surprising.

What was I talking about, again? Oh, yeah, being SAD. The malady had not completely been expelled until this thought: I can’t wait to tell “unnamed person” (UPER) about this. She (hint) will love it.” In other words, a fun time was made better by knowing there was someone to share it with, someone who would actually listen. UPER is a “high S with some I” personality so I knew when she heard the story there’d be no roll of the eyes, no wonder about what might be wrong with this person, this me, babbling on about snow. I had faith.

Fun, friendship, and Faith…was that the point of today’s post?

Oh, right SAD. Let’s not waste anymore time on that stupid subject.

*Apologies for really mangling that metaphor. Pin? Snowy cushions?

**I am so proud of that pun. Wait, how many knew it was a pun?

It Was A Dark and Stormy Night

ness23456 Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Yeah, it is. Was. And will be for at least two more days. Happy Feckin’ New Year.

There is no way to describe the feeling of an upstate New York Lake Effect Snow Bomb(NYLESB*). No way. But I have to try, it is the only thing to do to save sanity. I’ve videod NYLESB every mid-night because it is beautiful as the flakes dance and drift and fly over the parking lots and the cars, often sideways in the biting, cold wind. Then, I noticed every night has been the same for…a month, a year, forever? And how gray is gray, anyway? Each day is a pulsating, electric rainbow of gray, light gray, dark gray, medium gray. It’s making my hair gray, driving me to not care a f#$% about punctuation and spelling. Oh, nooooo.

A weather person on a local station did an outdoor report on the amount of snow falling during this latest assault. She was covered head to toe with fabric but her exposed cheeks were bright red. The male news anchor inside the studio said this when the outdoor reporter finished her report: “Thanks for that report, Hannah and remember, stuff like this builds character.” Mic drop.

I lived in upstate NY for my first 30 years and it was never like this. Or was it? Maybe this is just another way age effects and affects us? As a 30-year old, did character building influence my opinion and recording of past snow events? Was there ever a time when new snow meant get outside and play, or at least shovel the driveway? We used to burrow snow forts into the two-tiered snowbanks caused by the snowplows with the wings. Later in life there was a news story about kids getting killed when another passing snowplow buried them. So it goes, as a famous person said more than once.

Yeah, that makes sense: we can build character with any event if we are ignorant enough. Or naïve enough? Inexperienced? Stupid?

In looking at this through the distortion of a half-full glass, it is a great way to get an idea of how Arctic and Antarctic researchers must feel when they purposefully place themselves in either of this Earth’s frigid, frozen poles. Hey, more good news. Thanks to climate change they may not be frozen much longer…all that ice and snow is migrating to Upstate New York.

What’s the big deal? At least we’re alive, right?

As the whining continues, it should be pointed out I am nice and warm inside a swanky apartment building with heat, light, and a fitness center on the first floor. My front wall of windows allows me to turn The Chair to sit and watch the dropping of NYLESB’s snowflakus gigantis, levitating from The Chair only when I really, really want to, or when nature calls for a warmer activity in the throne room. There are some who may not be as lucky. It is a time to ponder the homeless, or the poor who cannot afford heat, or the cat who runs under cars in the parking lot. What happens to them? Can anything be done?

And there it is, dammit, character. Do I get credit for it or does Mother Nature? God? Is my character-building the result of free will, and would it have happened without the warm apartment?

No one gets credit until something gets done. Thinking of good character is not being a good character. When that snow stops, watch out, world, you’re gonna get fixed. (Yes, I was going to type something else.)

But right now, back to bed.

This piece is riddled with red and blue lines, warning the grammar and spelling police are awakening and preparing my arrest. Am I worried? If you don’t hear from me look under the big snowbank to the left of the building.

*This sounds a little “rainbowish”? Anyone offended?

The Santa Claus Conundrum

ness23456 Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Ai defines conundrum, a uniquely curious and funny sounding word, as “a confusing and difficult problem or question…often used to describe a situation where there is no clear right answer or where every solution has a downside”. There are lots of conundrums* in the world today, ranging from the important and sad—Wars–to the idiotic, like who will win this season’s “Survivor”. ** But right in the middle of that continuum is Santa Claus.

As a fan of Santa Claus his existence, to me, is not a conundrummm(sic). Logical reason: if he is not real*** why is he still around? Why hasn’t he been sent to the trash heap of strange gods and myths such as Cardea and Sterquilinus:  the former, The Roman God of Door Hinges, and the latter The God of Manure.

We should admire Santa Claus for his manufacturing and logistics prowess. His manufacturing operations should be the envy of the modern world, with his ability to ramp up to economic quantities of scale and yet pivot to special niche gifts. This agile and on-time production record would be a good reason why modern manufacturing trade associations may be behind the effort to label Santa Claus a Myth. The logistics groups, too, must be envious of the Claus Corporation’s lightning-like speed of product delivery and accuracy. Envy is not only a green-eyed monster but a wonderful motivator. Shipping firms are probably working overtime to delegitimize the Big Red Fat Man, as well.

The konnundrum(sic)? It has two parts, really. 1. How does he do it? And 2. Does he really do it? There is no hard, recordable evidence for an answer to either question. No one sees Santa or any Santa-based employee make a delivery, for example. And not even the CIA can find evidence of a manufacturing site and if Santa was flying all over the world delivering un-scanned packages, air defense systems would be flashing “end of the world” warnings for hours. Imagine the decisions nuclear key holders would have to make. And yet, there the presents are every Christmas morning, The Post Office forwards Santa’s mail, and fully grown, highly educated adults propagate Santa’s existence. Simply, he endures. For centuries. Would a wooden stake end it all? Maybe, if he could be found.

For the sake of sanity, and to end this post, let’s answer the conundrummer(sic) with this: Santa is a real myth. Minor gods of hardware and feculence disappear because they have no real purpose, no real need. Have door hinges ever been accused of being evil? But Santa does fill a need. His body image could use some help but his message of naughty or nice is important.  It is probably the first time (and only time?) loving, caring parents get a chance to introduce wrong and right to a growing brain in a growing body while it’s still just a smaller version of themselves…and pays attention.  When those bodies get to a certain size conversations get more difficult, if they happen at all.

So let’s support Santa for as long as we can before the internet and Ai render him to the Useless Myth Compost Bin (UMCB).

Fun, relevant fact: Ai says “the etymology of conundrum is itself a conundrum”. One source might be Oxford college students who made up their own Latin-Based words for their own language of “pompous sounding” words. Slang. In the 1500’s. Those crazy kids. Thank God, it doesn’t happen these days. Yes, that is Ironious. (Copyright pending.)

*The more the word is used the funkier it sounds. Where did this word come from?

**Why should we care who is the best at lying and cheating to win $1 million dollars?

***What is “real”? A whole different discussion and an integral part all conunnnndrums(sic).

Senior Hacks, Tips and Warnings For All

ness23456 Tags: , , , , , Leave a comment

Just in time for the holidays, here are some “things” to make senior—or any life—easier, safer, and better tasting.

If you are a male, have high pressure in your shower, have installed a flexible, adjustable showerhead, and you’re still flexible yourself, be very careful when the “High Pressure” nozzle is being used in a sensitive, below the belt area*. Painful, embarrassing consequences CAN be avoided with adequate forethought. It’s possible this applies to females, too. Comment, ladies, if it does.

A wonderfully adventurous and free spirited, brand new “high S with some I” female friend sent a pic of her enjoying axe throwing at a local establishment. We won’t talk about what she wore but it was holiday festive and skimpy. I expected chain mail or a flak jacket, possibly an entire suit of armor to cover every inch. As a veteran of The Dart Wars in Binghamton during the Middle Ages (the 1980s), I personally witnessed participants cut down—or rather pierced—in their prime by errant and unintelligent** darts, sometimes thrown from exterior locations near the open bar door. Imagination painted a scene where a drunken, ex-dart player fired off an axe round without aim. The axe place had sense enough to install netting to at least slow down any unexpected, misguided chopper, adze, or hatchet. As an added danger, picture an athletic young person admiring the smooth, arcing wood cutter rotating through the open air. Then add a couple pitchers of beer and the gambling mentality infecting all male (females, too?) activities, and axe’s are soon flying with Armageddonish  results. The tip if you go to one of these places? Make sure your health insurance is up to date***, try not to sign the liability waiver, and alert your lawyer he may be needed soon. Axe drop, for this subject.

Air fryers are “the bomb” for us single guys. Convenient fast and easy to clean. Warning: make sure to rinse completely after washing. Dawn soap does not go well with, well, anything. This warning is here because of the perforated platform used in the fryers. Rinse your holes!****

Last year, my first winter back in NY, I was disabled and in recovery from hip surgery so outside activity was limited. This year, I am free to move about the country, but the sniggles and tangles of winter are still revealing themselves. Black ice is a problem for all us but weather—lately–has conspired to leave water on apshalt, lower the temperature, then drop a small dusting of snow. Add this to the slope that leads downhill from my apartment building entrance to the parking lot, and crab-walking to my car, with baby steps, is necessary. Young people can fall and get up anytime. In fact, they often do it on purpose and call it exercise. A fall for an old person isn’t as much fun. The tip? Beware Mother Nature, she is out to get us. Don’t trust The B!$#&.

Related winter issue: If your car has a Weather-Tec type floor liner, make sure to empty it when the weather swings as widely as it has been. Getting in with slush and ice on a bad day is okay when the liner traps it, but then it thaws, the water is clear and you step in and get the bottom of your pants wet as if you peed all way down to your ankles. Not cool, MN.

There’s more but we ran out of room, so later, gator, and Happy Holidays! Peace.

*Originally, the sentence ended at “used”, but then I wondered if someone might not know the sensitive area being referred to, so I did the extra work. For those who needed the extra words: Here’s your sign. For those who don’t know what that means, google Bill Engvall. And if you don’t know how to google, that’s okay as long as you get your sign.

**Mentioned in case new Ai driven Smart Darts are out there. We were old school and guided our own, back in the day…and loved it.

***And will cover this type of “peril”, and insurance term for risk.

****For a bonus, holiday giggle, add this sentence to the first paragraph.

Not What You Think

ness23456 Tags: , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

To begin, a very sincere apology to a dear friend who thinks this will be about Death. She was told to watch for it and “enjoy” it, too. What an idiot, I am. Who wants a post about death four days before Christmas? Stupid, fargin, icehole bastige.*

This post should be uplifting, upbeat, about love and happiness, maybe even with a few strong words about materialism.

Or maybe it should be about friends and family. Aren’t they the ones who uplift us, make us feel good, and make holidays so special?

Eh, maybe. Sometimes, I guess. Of the 73 Christmas gatherings personally witnessed, seldom was it with the same family and the same friends. A sad thing about the modern world is how families disperse, spread out, move, and then need to make herculean efforts on trains, planes, and automobiles to get back together for holidays. Why do we do that? Would a Star Trek transporter beam for all make it easier? It would for those who really wanted to get back, but do we all really want to go home for the holidays?

It’s also a tough time to consider income equality and homelessness. Nothing like a hundred presents under the tree to make you wonder where the homeless beggar the police just chased off his corner is going to sleep.  And what presents do billionaires buy for their families? Their own planes, trains, and automobiles so they can get home easier? Even worse, if you drew Elon Musk’s name in a Secret Santa party, what would you get him? Would he even show? And what would he give if there were no dollar limit?

But the saddest part of the holidays is who really gets forgotten: Jesus, the birthday guy. Name anyone who really knows and lives the teachings of Jesus and reminds others of His ways**. Would he accept a present? Would He*** accept it and re-gift to someone who needs it?

In years past the Christmas Holidays meant so much to us because it was time off from work, time off from stress, and time to give and receive gifts. All in all, good reasons for families to get together, good reasons for celebration.

But there are billions of people in the world who know nothing of Christmas and Jesus. Is that a bad thing?

The biggest mistake we make at Christmas is not remembering, not reading more, not learning, and not accepting the life-style Jesus set for us. Why is that? We can do small things in small ways to honor that lifestyle, and we can do bigger and better things if we are blessed with way more than we need. Who needs a new Lexus with a bright, red ribbon out in the driveway? Or a keepsake blood diamond from an African mine? And better, yet: why do we celebrate Christmas with advertisements like these?

As a very young man exposed to J.D. Salinger in the middle of the 1960s materialism/consumerism boom, “The Jesus Prayer” and “The Way of the Pilgrim” were read with great care…and with great effect/affect. Those of you who know both, think any modern world leader is aware of either? Wait, are you?

As for my friend, hope you liked this subject better than death.

*Again: from Johnny Dangerously, and Michael Keaton, 1984.

**Apologies to the very few who do know, and do–at least– try.

***Note the alternating H or h for Jesus’ pronoun. Can the world even agree on that?