Just in time for the holidays, here are some “things” to make senior—or any life—easier, safer, and better tasting.
If you are a male, have high pressure in your shower, have installed a flexible, adjustable showerhead, and you’re still flexible yourself, be very careful when the “High Pressure” nozzle is being used in a sensitive, below the belt area*. Painful, embarrassing consequences CAN be avoided with adequate forethought. It’s possible this applies to females, too. Comment, ladies, if it does.
A wonderfully adventurous and free spirited, brand new “high S with some I” female friend sent a pic of her enjoying axe throwing at a local establishment. We won’t talk about what she wore but it was holiday festive and skimpy. I expected chain mail or a flak jacket, possibly an entire suit of armor to cover every inch. As a veteran of The Dart Wars in Binghamton during the Middle Ages (the 1980s), I personally witnessed participants cut down—or rather pierced—in their prime by errant and unintelligent** darts, sometimes thrown from exterior locations near the open bar door. Imagination painted a scene where a drunken, ex-dart player fired off an axe round without aim. The axe place had sense enough to install netting to at least slow down any unexpected, misguided chopper, adze, or hatchet. As an added danger, picture an athletic young person admiring the smooth, arcing wood cutter rotating through the open air. Then add a couple pitchers of beer and the gambling mentality infecting all male (females, too?) activities, and axe’s are soon flying with Armageddonish results. The tip if you go to one of these places? Make sure your health insurance is up to date***, try not to sign the liability waiver, and alert your lawyer he may be needed soon. Axe drop, for this subject.
Air fryers are “the bomb” for us single guys. Convenient fast and easy to clean. Warning: make sure to rinse completely after washing. Dawn soap does not go well with, well, anything. This warning is here because of the perforated platform used in the fryers. Rinse your holes!****
Last year, my first winter back in NY, I was disabled and in recovery from hip surgery so outside activity was limited. This year, I am free to move about the country, but the sniggles and tangles of winter are still revealing themselves. Black ice is a problem for all us but weather—lately–has conspired to leave water on apshalt, lower the temperature, then drop a small dusting of snow. Add this to the slope that leads downhill from my apartment building entrance to the parking lot, and crab-walking to my car, with baby steps, is necessary. Young people can fall and get up anytime. In fact, they often do it on purpose and call it exercise. A fall for an old person isn’t as much fun. The tip? Beware Mother Nature, she is out to get us. Don’t trust The B!$#&.
Related winter issue: If your car has a Weather-Tec type floor liner, make sure to empty it when the weather swings as widely as it has been. Getting in with slush and ice on a bad day is okay when the liner traps it, but then it thaws, the water is clear and you step in and get the bottom of your pants wet as if you peed all way down to your ankles. Not cool, MN.
There’s more but we ran out of room, so later, gator, and Happy Holidays! Peace.
*Originally, the sentence ended at “used”, but then I wondered if someone might not know the sensitive area being referred to, so I did the extra work. For those who needed the extra words: Here’s your sign. For those who don’t know what that means, google Bill Engvall. And if you don’t know how to google, that’s okay as long as you get your sign.
**Mentioned in case new Ai driven Smart Darts are out there. We were old school and guided our own, back in the day…and loved it.
***And will cover this type of “peril”, and insurance term for risk.
****For a bonus, holiday giggle, add this sentence to the first paragraph.
The Aging Man 