holidays

Not What You Think

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To begin, a very sincere apology to a dear friend who thinks this will be about Death. She was told to watch for it and “enjoy” it, too. What an idiot, I am. Who wants a post about death four days before Christmas? Stupid, fargin, icehole bastige.*

This post should be uplifting, upbeat, about love and happiness, maybe even with a few strong words about materialism.

Or maybe it should be about friends and family. Aren’t they the ones who uplift us, make us feel good, and make holidays so special?

Eh, maybe. Sometimes, I guess. Of the 73 Christmas gatherings personally witnessed, seldom was it with the same family and the same friends. A sad thing about the modern world is how families disperse, spread out, move, and then need to make herculean efforts on trains, planes, and automobiles to get back together for holidays. Why do we do that? Would a Star Trek transporter beam for all make it easier? It would for those who really wanted to get back, but do we all really want to go home for the holidays?

It’s also a tough time to consider income equality and homelessness. Nothing like a hundred presents under the tree to make you wonder where the homeless beggar the police just chased off his corner is going to sleep.  And what presents do billionaires buy for their families? Their own planes, trains, and automobiles so they can get home easier? Even worse, if you drew Elon Musk’s name in a Secret Santa party, what would you get him? Would he even show? And what would he give if there were no dollar limit?

But the saddest part of the holidays is who really gets forgotten: Jesus, the birthday guy. Name anyone who really knows and lives the teachings of Jesus and reminds others of His ways**. Would he accept a present? Would He*** accept it and re-gift to someone who needs it?

In years past the Christmas Holidays meant so much to us because it was time off from work, time off from stress, and time to give and receive gifts. All in all, good reasons for families to get together, good reasons for celebration.

But there are billions of people in the world who know nothing of Christmas and Jesus. Is that a bad thing?

The biggest mistake we make at Christmas is not remembering, not reading more, not learning, and not accepting the life-style Jesus set for us. Why is that? We can do small things in small ways to honor that lifestyle, and we can do bigger and better things if we are blessed with way more than we need. Who needs a new Lexus with a bright, red ribbon out in the driveway? Or a keepsake blood diamond from an African mine? And better, yet: why do we celebrate Christmas with advertisements like these?

As a very young man exposed to J.D. Salinger in the middle of the 1960s materialism/consumerism boom, “The Jesus Prayer” and “The Way of the Pilgrim” were read with great care…and with great effect/affect. Those of you who know both, think any modern world leader is aware of either? Wait, are you?

As for my friend, hope you liked this subject better than death.

*Again: from Johnny Dangerously, and Michael Keaton, 1984.

**Apologies to the very few who do know, and do–at least– try.

***Note the alternating H or h for Jesus’ pronoun. Can the world even agree on that?

Labor Day Labors, Senior Version

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This isn’t really about any senior issues, but being a senior amplifies these problems everyone of us faces. Hopefully.

First, a complaint about my cohorts and their relationship to idiocy. Possible relationship. As retired seniors, we can do anything we want, anytime, anywhere, as long as it is within our physical and mental capacities. Experience taught me (firsthand and with observation) young people sleep late. Using genetically-gifted logic, I plan to do what I want, anytime I want, when said young people are still asleep, or recovering from the sudden shock of waking up. This planning allows free run of most fitness centers, grocery stores, and other retail or public places. Get in get out, go back to sleep, all before the motorcycles roar, the muffler-deprived cars cough to life, and general silliness ensues simply because there’s more humans moving about, causing chaos. So here is my latest conversation with an old friend about going to lunch. Me: “Let’s meet at 10am when they open.” Friend: “No. I’m not awake that early. Let’s do lunch time.” Me: “Ok. Applebee’s”? Friend: “No, it’s too busy there.” (Insert rimshot* here.) Note: many late-arising friends scoff at early morning activity. Yes, they actually scoff***, as if it is an insult. It’s okay, even fewer people getting in the way.

So I called the local fitness center Sunday since their website says they are “Open” on Monday, Labor Day, but “subject to holiday hours”. My call was during business hours Sunday and was not answered by a human but a “phone tree” offering an option to find out about “Holiday Hours”. After selecting the alleged option, it instructed me to call “the local branch for more information.” To their credit, the local branch called me back seconds later, apologized and listed the hours. Bless them, for they know not what they do. Actually, they did, so we can save Luke23:34 for the next Labor Day misadventure.

My favorite grocery store’s website also listed Monday Labor Day hours as “Open, Subject to Holiday Hours.” A Sunday call to their phone number informs me “There will be signs in the store about Holiday Hours”.  As an effort, that is a good thing but why say it over the phone? Do we drive there, now, to find the Holiday Hours for tomorrow? (Second rimshot.) Oops, being patient and waiting a little longer the phone tree offers “Press Option 2 to hear Holiday Hours for your store.”. Ever the optimist (sarcasm), I pressed 2 and got this: “Call your local store for Holiday Hours that will be displayed on signs in the store.” Let’s not use one rimshot here but give them an entire drum solo. As a coherent finish to this anecdote, in a visit to the store on Monday I looked for signs about “Holiday Hours”. Go ahead, guess. I won’t insult your intelligence.** For real, this time: Luke23:34.

It’s not clear how much of these last two stories was caused by Artificial Intelligence, but we can be sure “Real Intelligence” was AWOL.

*Drum: “Ba-dum-tss”, phonetically. Also called a sting. Google it for fun.

** Apologies if inferring the obvious is also insulting. It’s a holiday: Happy Labor Day!

*** A very powerful word. Look it up.