The End

To Sleep, Perchance to Dream, My Ass

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Shakespeare* wrote those words–except for “My Ass”– hundreds of years ago when a well-known, porcine-related character discussed death with himself. It is a profound, deep-meaning soliloquy with oft-quoted-out-of-context short and long sentences with clauses, semi-colons, and dramatic commas resulting in an excellent rant about Existence and the The End**.

Modern American Seniors have their own opinions, however, on what The Bard of Avon was really referring to: actual loss of sleep. It is odd how William makes “the heartache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to” seem so dramatic when all we really hear is there is too much going on to get some, good, solid, long-time sleep. There are no “slings and arrows” flying across our bedrooms*** but there is a lot of cerebral activity. So much activity the poor brain stands as if in the doorway of the bedroom, ready to flick the light switch off but…can’t..do…it.

A thought racing across our brain cells IS sometimes the knowledge we can put ourselves “to sleep perchance to dream” in a very real and permanent way but we’re just not ready yet, so…

Instead we ponder the Cognitive Impairment conundrum: how it creeps up on us and when we have it, we won’t know, even as we wonder who put our car keys in the produce drawer of the refrigerator.

Or we wonder why we feel so good but still can’t generate enough interest in a late dinner at our favorite restaurant to get us out of our favorite chair.

And is there anyone who will listen to us and invent easy-on, easy-off socks?

Even worse: is there anyone who will listen to us at all?

The night then becomes a debate between…what was I talking about?

Oh, yes, how hard it is to sleep the good sleep, anymore. Most nights start well, even when the Yankees lose. But after the first few hours of sleep, when the first bathroom “break” wakes us with an unnecessary urgency, and shortly after we check the refrigerator for the perfect, healthy snack that won’t harm our brushed teeth or sensitive digestion system, it is the re-falling back asleep that fails, utterly****.

After the many nights this happens it is clearly no longer about slings and arrows or The End, but a thought all its own that consumes one: will I ever get back to sleep? The question is accompanied by the close observation and analysis of anything that comes to mind from the macro, like our current high inflation, to the micro: will I be warm enough without socks?

Running out pf space, as usual, but when your own brain becomes your own sleep disrupter…well, I never remember that happening as a young man.

Hmm. Is that because of a bad memory, it never happened, or Cognitive Decline?

Let me sleep on it.

*Probably. Or he may not have. Or someone else did. A guy named Bacon. Or an alien.

**Most Americans probably can recite this speech by simply muttering every short, trite saying they’ve heard about Shakespeare. To be or not to be. Whether tis nobler.  To sleep, etc…oh, and “the tyranny of life”.

***Or any of the other areas we may try to get (eye) closure.

****Wonderfully guttural word. And, yes, that is how I found my keys.

*****In upstate NY the temperatures change fast. A semi-nude, 80 degree outside sleep session can be sadly ended when the toes warn your body the early-morning outside temperature has dropped to 60. Socks, again?

Accentuating The Positive

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A friend recently congratulated me for getting back to “normal”, and “improving” after the years with The Calamities. The quoted words angered me. Though it wasn’t her fault, I launched into a text rant so interesting, honest, and cruel it scared me. She was only trying to be positive but…

The words are the problem. The message, not the messenger, so I apologized and hoped The Rant did not affect her own senior mental state. For me, it was cathartic to finally be able to verbalize one of the many cloudy issues plaguing Old Age: we age physically faster than we age mentally, at least most of us do. There are anecdotes of early onset cognitive impairment, but for most of us getting old is a lot like long, birth labor or “failure to progress”. A part of our existence, the mind, is not at the stage of life the body is, so…

Many of us are still the quarterback of our high school football team well into midlife. Or for a female symbol: Carrie Bradshaw.* My personal manly physical prowess was consistently overestimated** well into my 50s. Minor honest efforts were made to retain that prowess, but age adds a sliding, disconnect between what we do and what we think we have done and the gap separating the two gets larger each season.

Suddenly, and for a reason we tell ourselves we don’t understand, we look in a mirror one day and see the body of someone else.

It is shocking, but our minds still allow for some wiggle room: even when we buy all new pants, we still think we’ve got “It”, and will lose the weight.

Back to The Rant and my friend. Her words incited The Brain to find a way to explain the real “progress” aging means to the rest of my body including both Inner and Outer Voices: once we pass a certain age, we NEVER “improve” and the “normal” changes daily, and not in a good way. Every element of my existence is thankful for the instruction.

We can still have moments of physical, mental, and spiritual clarity leading to contentment and possible satisfaction with life, but we will never be what we were, ever again. It is what it is and we are what we are at each and every age. And the age we accept that realization is different for each of us, with some never accepting it at all.

When we are young, each mile of the race is faster, even as we go up the hill, then we hit the top and start down that long, knee-pounding decline to the last mile, and finally, The End. “Improving”? “Normal”?

We can work with normal. In fact, it has a measurable component in sports. If you run those miles*** you know how long it takes from the first step to the last. If you’ve kept a record, you could use Ai to plot a graph or chart. It’s amazing how clear life is when you see your run times charted and that physical hill appears on the graph. Up, up up, then down, down, down. Life.

So where is the positive? First, at least you were able to do things, great things, normal things, and things you loved. Never forget that bit. Second, the disconnect between what we feel we are and what we really are is finally understood late in life, especially by those who pay attention. The Wisdom we used to hear about when we were young. And even as you run your race slower and steadier, there may be times you can let loose, and get close to your best time for at least a few yards…

But improvement and normal have to be flexible and on your own terms. Carpe linguam and change the narrative.

*Younger women and men will need to Ai the name. Or not care to know.

**Not a good word for it since there was no conscious thought of my “estimation”: I simply knew I was still in great physical shape, inconvenient truths be damned. Ora at least ignored.

***Or swim those laps. Or bike those roads. Or complete those marathons…et.al…

America, the beautiful? The Great?

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I awoke in the middle of the night, alarmed, then saddened, then in a panic about America. It’s a place I’ve inhabited and loved and criticized, demonstrated against and then accepted, but always a country with the historic ability to survive the worst impulses of each new generation. We will survive.

But this time? I no longer see the Trump presidency as a 4-year pandemic we will recover from when the political system resets itself and heals its wounds.

In 12 months, or less, our democratic (Small “d”) political system will no longer exist. The Republican Party, historically a dedicated and patriotic foe of the Democratic Party, is already extinct.

Trump is putting in place Billionaire yes-men/women who will do whatever he wants. (If they aren’t billionaires when Trump appointed them, they may be soon.)  At the same time, he is destroying, neutering, and obliterating any person, department, or institution standing in his way. And he’s doing it at record speed, getting everything in place to defy the 2026 midterms.

His press secretary reveals the plan with every statement she makes: obscure, deny, deflect and counter attack every, single truth. Her job description? Truth will be what she is told to say it is. Trump put her in place to render the free press ineffective. That “free press” cannot handle someone who lies, distorts, and fabricates so much the press cannot keep pace. As the free press spins in circles over here, Trump does what he wants over there.

The Trump Plan involves a massive amount of snookery and public-facing deception. The sheer volume of lies and atrocious behavior will overwhelm the 260 million people who did not vote for him in 2024, and they will wear down, look away, and allow him to do what he wants. It’s a form of public, Chinese Water Torture.

Most Americans do not realize the extent of the changes already made. DOGE is not a government efficiency finder, but a money finder and re-applier. Stop spending money on Voice of America and spend that “saved” money on bribes to foreign countries to take back immigrants. Spend formerly legally appropriated money on illegal activities like flying “terrorists” back to any country receiving the Trump Bribes. (Why else would El Salvador accept hundreds of Venezuelan gang members?  And will these “terrorists” be released back into the world if Trump’s bribes stop? Is it possible our newly-muscled border watchers will see these terrorists, again? Are the deportees even terrorists/gang members? Do you know?

And the March 21, 2025 $20 Billion Trump just gave Boeing for the new F-47 Fighter? Here’s a transparent description of the total cost from Trump, himself: “We’ve given an order for a lot. We can’t tell you the price.”

DOGE? Attack!

Billionaires are buying into the Trump Agenda because they see lower taxes, less regulation, and ultimately the ability to do whatever they want, when ever they want to do it.

And this will go on for at least four years, or until The King dies of natural causes. Then, the fight for the crown will lead to more Un-American activities until a new king is crowned.

Is this what 77 million voters wanted?

Even today, after 2 months of the expedited plan, the average, Fox-informed American will say “Yes.”

So be it. As they like to say, “Elections have consequences.”

Recently, Stephen Miller was on Fox News calling one of his critics a “moron”,  a “degenerate”, and “stupid”. The lame stream, mainstream, legacy media Fox News presenter just giggled. Yes, Fox is lame-steam, mainstream media.

On the comedy side of things: as Trump, Miller, Musk, and related antagonists invent new monikers for all who disagree with them, Musk threatens lawsuits for someone calling him names. And Trump settles old grudges with the unlimited, emperor-like powers Trump says voters granted him. And the Supremes** will back him up.

Make America Grate Again.

Believe this if you can: I hope I’m wrong. Really, really, wrong. I fervently hope this post is just more of the Trump Derangement Syndrome, the mental condition a Minnesota Republican lawmaker wants to write into law.

Bet I’d be happier about things if I was deranged. For fun, look up the “Oxford Languages” definition for deranged. It will sound familiar…like someone we all know…

** Apologies to Diana Ross and the rest.