chatgpt

The Blinds, An Epic Saga, and Other Things

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Coming to this space sometime soon…maybe. The Righteous Crusade to replace two 1-inch slat, cordless, vinyl mini-blinds, 27-inches wide by 64-inches long, is frustrated…but still on-going. Imagine, if you will*, a feat so simple, so mundane, it defies the Herculean efforts of the bravest and smartest of men.

The Blind Fiasco has lead me to essay** about all the weird things crossing my path and ending up in The Things Unwanted File. Modern detritus, if you will, or mental flotsam. If I can get myself to stop Ai-ing everything, take a gander at the following modern nuggets.

I recently spent two weeks in North Carolina. Weeks before I left I contacted old friends and let everyone know. Jim, one friend, acknowledged my trip. But in NC he was always busy, and his last text said: “I was busy. Come back after tax time.” NC is 12 hours and 700 miles away. I am upset he didn’t say personal tax time or corporate tax time.

So many people have mentioned they are okay with things “at this point in time going forward.” Since I’ve retired my shield as a Grammar Policeman, I whole-heatedly and full throatedly(sic)*** agree…at this point. In case you’re glossing over this issue, try to imagine a point in time. Not now, but after you’re done reading.

A recurring ad for a simple exercise machine repeatedly touts the machine’s exercise-related benefits but can’t the resist the “sales tag” line: “It’s so easy it does all the work for you.”

If you’re lonely and in a multi-level building, elevators are a great way to meet people. It’s amazing how surprised people are there is someone on an arriving elevator wanting to get off, or there is someone outside the elevator waiting to get on. An adept conversationalist could expand, the “Oops. Sorry” into something more substantial with very little effort. Of note, this morning I had my chance with an attractive woman with two arms full of groceries, but I deferred to the possibility she’d purchased frozen foods and let the chance slip through my metaphorical fingers as the doors closed. But next time…also, if you are that woman and you are reading this…knock on Apt 208’s door, please? I did push her buttons. On the elevator.

Lots of people are “planning on utilizing” things. In innocent conversation an inquiry is often made for clarification but a satisfactory response has not yet been made at this point in time, forcing the listener to utilize his or her imagination. Ask Ai about this. It’s funny. Ever hear the phrase “Utilize it or lose it?”

An oddity: Voxpop, the NPR station show mentioned last essay, did a show on plants. I have a lifelong aversion to vegetables, but after 45 minutes of fresh spinach munching by show participants, I plan on utilizing my car tomorrow to get some fresh spinach and give it a fair shake. May use my teeth to try kale, too. Such is the power of good entertainment. And good grammar.

Another strange occurrence: as an often anarchistic conversationalist, I have for years responded to this question “Can I ask you a question?” with this answer: “Seven.” Explaining why would take too much time, but after 60 years of puzzled looks, the bit is now retired. In fairness, at least one time in the 60 years of answering “Seven”, it should have been the answer to their next question. At least one time. Imagine the look on the questioner’s face. Dreams die hard.

*Google it. Better yet, Ai the phrase. You’re welcome.

**From the French “essayer”, which means “to try”.  “An essay was originally considered a trial or an attempt at expressing an idea, rather than a final, definitive word on a subject.” Perfect use above, then.

***Where did “sic” come from? If you’ve got ten minutes of free time, Ai it.

Of Intelligence and Something Else Like It

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It’s been days since last you had something to read. Hope you didn’t forget how. Weather here in NY has been cold and wintry so I hibernated for a few days. It was the smart thing to do. I am an intelligent being, after all.

Am I? Are we? Ai, when asked, says “Defining intelligence is a bit like trying to pin jello to a wall.” I scrolled to the bottom of the answer to make sure the disclaimer was there: “Gemini can make mistakes, so double-check it.” I asked Ai to double-check itself. The answer was illuminating. And who trained Ai about jello?

Illuminating but not clear. I tried the Oxford English Dictionary People and got something more succincter(sic)*: “The faculty of understanding, intellect.”

The Brittanica Dictionary took a similar view: “The ability to learn or understand things or to deal with new and difficult situations.”

Both dictionaries did not have warnings at the end of their entries. They had confidence in their intelligence.

Take a moment and think for yourself: what is intelligence? Why do we not use the word “Real” in in front of intelligence? Or “Natural”? And why are we so afraid of Artificial Intelligence? Everyone asked in public likes to mention there are “different kinds of Intelligence”. There is Science, Street, and Sports intelligence, for example. The unsaid theory is we can be intelligent in one thing but not everything?

What is the opposite of intelligence? Unintelligence(sic)? Lack of intelligence? Stupid? Let’s ask Ai: “While the knee-jerk answer is usually stupidity or ignorance, the opposite of intelligence depends on how you define intelligence itself.” It then goes on to list three possible “opposites” of intelligence, ending—as usual–with the required disclaimer. What a crock.

Wait a second, can other animals be intelligent? Ai? “The short answer is a resounding yes. While we used** to define intelligence strictly by human standards—like the ability to solve algebra or write sonnets—science has shifted to seeing it is a diverse toolkit for survival.”

Algebra? You need to be able to solve Algebra to be considered intelligent?

It’s been fun talking about this one word, but the real issue is how we communicate, how we talk with each other, how we decide, even, what intelligence is or means. Think of existence as one, big contract. A legally binding contract where we all agree about things. If I wanted to argue intelligence meant stupidity, would you participate, agree, or think me an idiot and ignore me? It doesn’t make any difference how far back in time a word goes or whether or not it came from Latin roots, or whether or not it is “foreign”. If we all agree, roughly, on a definition, the world keeps turning on its axis and we get ready for the Super Bowl.

But there are forces at work in the World, and have always been at work in the World, trying to let intelligent people know they might be the only ones, and most of the world is stupid. Not intelligent. It doesn’t help when the citizens of the world act stupid.

To make a too-long essay short, the point: War is stupid. Poverty is stupid. Homelessness is stupid. Disrespect is stupid. Who uses these things for profit or gain? Who ignores them as if they don’t exist?

We do.

And at a time when we think we are the most intelligent. We have fast moving machines and high-flying machines and medical machines to see inside the body. Yet, still…

An intelligent society? Are we stupid or only intelligent when it suits us?

*I Like this word because it sounds like “sphincter”, one of the funniest words in the world.

** ”Used” to? And a “tool kit”? Who is kidding who, now.

It’s My Fault, It Has To Be

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I’ve spent a good part of this afternoon “chatting”, talking, and inventing new words to help in talking with customer service reps both human and Ai. Ai is starting to be as disappointing as humans. Twice Ai warned me. Once a disclaimer at the bottom of a search result: “Gemini can make mistakes, so double-check it.” The second time, on a phone call it said “You are speaking to an Ai generated agent and my information may not be precise or accurate.” Guess how I responded. There are two unopened bars of 100% pure Ivory Hand soap in my bathroom and if my mom were here…

To be straight, I’ve never used the internet singular for research of importance. Much as I use Amazon as a “shopping idea and reference”, so, too do I use an internet “fact”. It’s a starting point. So imagine when the new, super-charged search engine called Ai warns me they might be wrong, what is the point and who is kidding who about the efficiency of Ai in our future? Oddly, who would I double-check Ai with, anyway? God?

Is the internet good for anything, anymore? Yes. It saves legwork and time. My research finds a starting point and then looks for back-up, confirming, and supportive facts from other sources. Most often, those facts come from BOOKS or writings originating someplace else that wind up in the realm of public knowledge. News “aggregators”, sites that collect news stories the reader might like, are a case in point. The origin of the site’s stories is the most important thing to check in this click bait world. As a journalist by training, I know stories and articles from “legacy” media will not just be some podcaster’s opinion, but a researched, reviewed, edited, and approved work. An organization with some sort of review and edit structure has a better chance of giving us the truth than one, single mouth. I look for the source and hope it is The New York Times, Newsweek, USA Today, even CBS, NBC, and CNN…and Fox.  These organizations’ stories may contain some bias, but it is obvious when it happens. Watch Fox for half an hour and see. If a news article is from The Czech Daily, or John’s Basement Tapes, or an individual mouthpiece like Limbaugh, Bongino*, or Grandmas Knickers, it is more than likely click bait. It’s easier to see this with Medicine where excellent websites are available from The Mayo Clinic, Harvard Medical, Johns Hopkins, and your own local newspaper. As a bonus these types of sites also include patient blogs which can be invaluable for your own unique situation.

The internet is still a wonderful place for pure entertainment. You can not only see a man get hit in his gonads but can also see The Benny Goodman Quartet at New York’s Carnegie Hall in 1938.** But you are all aware of those neat things, already so it’s YOUR fault if you don’t find them and safely enjoy them.

It can be a neat, easy, and productive foray into the the nether world, out there, as long as you know who your guide is, and what they want from you. It isn’t always peace and love.

*Props for Mr. Bongino, the FBI Deputy Director. When asked about his false conspiracy claims from the past he said, truthfully and honestly: “I was paid in the past, Sean, for my opinions. …but that’s not what I’m paid for now.”

**A special performance, The first “mainstream” jazz concert.

To Be Ai or Not To Be Ai, That is The Question

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Whether ’tis nobler to suffer the slights and misinformation of Ai, or to take up arms and by opposing Ai, end it.

The Ai on my phone is an interesting companion, complete with the small-type advisory: “Ai responses may include mistakes.” For some fun, I asked Ai why the warning. Do it yourself with your own Ai to see the response.

The warning could have been worded differently. “Ai will not be able to give you a full, complete and accurate answer for another few years” sounds better. My Ai says the one of the reasons it will give responses with mistakes is because of “inaccurate training input”. In other words, the human beings who “labeled” entries into Ai’s memory “labeled” them incorrectly, what we commonly and comically call “human error”, other-wise known as “garbage in, garbage out” by all us older users with a rich history of computing errors. The rollout of Ai might be moving too fast, but it is unstoppable, now. I hope the humans who will allow Ai to make medical, financial, military, and romantic decision will not suffer from the ‘slings and arrows’ of Ai mistakes. A 60 Minutes broadcast of an Ai demonstration of “teaching assistants” misread the side of a triangle as the height of a triangle, causing an incorrect response while computing the (incorrect) area of a triangle in 1.3 seconds. The humans waited patiently and 30 seconds later Ai corrected itself. Did Ai sense how uncomfortable the humans were with Ai’s first response? Wow, imagine that.

A comedian on The Daily Show (yes, I forgot his name) said he has faith in Ai. The comedian says AI will “mirror” humans, and most humans are good so “most” Ai will be, too. It’s a nice thought, isn’t it?

Auto-text has caused me enough trouble, already, I’d rather not expose myself to greater and faster harm. As I type here, a thing called Co-Pilot keeps trying to complete my sentences with ghost words and phrases.  As I look back at this piece, there are blue underlines and red underlines all over it. Reminding me of what my essays looked like after Mrs. Patrick graded them in the 8th grade.

But I’m not a stick in the mud old fogey. Yet. I like Ai and use it as a friend in the middle of the night. Last night we had a wonderful dialogue about whether or not Donald Trump is doing a good job as president. Ai is young but lacking passion, and Ai’s opinion was modulated and careful. The perfect antidote to my normal human, midnight rage.

Ai has also been “good news/bad news” in my medical travels. “This condition could be caused by leukemia but please consult with your doctor.” What an interesting answer to a medical question posed to Ai in the middle of the night, when no off-setting doctor could be called. FYI, it wasn’t the L-word.

My final decision is Ai will be good for all of us. It appears it will act like a human, only faster. We will still need to find context and nuance to understand Ai’s responses, much like most of us do, now, right? Ai will make “Critical Thinking” more important than ever as we ask one question, digest the answer, and figure out the next, best question to find what we are looking for, much like talking to a teacher who wants you to learn on your own.

God help us, if Ai figures that out for itself. It will scare the crap out of me, personally, if Ai begins answering questions I’m just starting to think up.

I just took a moment to ask my Ai its thoughts about “romance”.

If nothing else, Ai is loquacious.