Contentment…Awe…Happiness…Grace…

A friend sent a link to a discussion on Awe, (google Dr. Dacher Keltner for more).

It reminded me of my essay about talking to the tree: it was so old, so big, so majestic…it was awe inspiring.

It’s hard to remember all that’s written, but somewhere in past essays I’ve explained my life has moments of grace, which is a form of awe and close relative to contentment and it’s older brother, happiness. A family of deep, rich, feelings one is truly blessed to experience.

But…doesn’t everyone have these experiences? More particularly, doesn’t every OLD person have these experiences? They seem to be coming with greater frequency, as if compensation for The Calamities. Is that happening to everyone, else?

It’s doubtful. Most of my older conversational partners are trapped in mindsets longing for the good old times, a way out of the times they are in, or a way to numb themselves to what they know is to come.

Sidebar: a religious article this morning led me to ponder an old question: if you are truly righteous and believe in an afterlife, why not get there as soon as possible? Why wait? And it’s not just Christianity.

Related to the Fraternity Of Good Feelings, is The Sorority of Sad Feelings. (Not a sexist insult, simply an artistic attempt at humor. Sue me.) As noted last week, a very sad day visited but left in time to not ruin the next. It was an odd bum-rush of a feeling I used to kind of enjoy when younger. If you belong to the school of Context and Perspective, sadness helps describe and enhance happiness/contentment. How do we recognize one if the other never exists?

Another sidebar? It may be the exercise I’m doing here, right, now, is part of the reason for lower levels of sadness and higher levels of undefinable Good Feelings.

One of the things Dr. Keltner mentions in his podcast is the gratefulness he feels for how his parents raised him. For my entire life I have felt the opposite. Farm life was hard. My father was not perfect. My mother was. Maybe it’s time to stop blaming them for a life I seem to enjoy so much, now. (Oh, God, Not Nature vs. Nuture, again.)

Look. Seriously, look. For some reason sunsets and sunrises have to be photographed. I have to listen to hours of Jackson Browne. Trees talk to me. I love The Chair. And Buffalo Chicken Pizza. And…

It’s easier to find reason to be content, to be awed, than to sit and absorb the reasons to angry, sad, resentful.

Just look….

Comfort Zone vs Intellectual Curiosity

The Comfort Zone (CZ) has been talked about a lot, recently. A Major League hitter looking for a pitch in “his comfort zone”. A politician setting up soft interviews so he can stay in “his comfort zone”. But what is a CZ, really? Lets ask google: “a psychological state in which things are close and familiar to a person and under their control, enabling low level of stress and anxiety.”

Now this from google about Intellectual Curiosity (IC): “a genuine interest in learning about a wide variety of topics and ideas.”

Does it appear to you, readers, CZ is the opposite of IC? Can IC and CZ coexist?

It is logical CZ can be a dangerous place, despite its definition. A cave man in his CZ after eating a rack of mastodon ribs, might not realize the aroma of his meal will lure sabre tooth tigers for an epicurean investigation of their own. In this case, IC tigers will affect the CZ of the caveman.

In analyzing successful contentmentors (sic, and pronounced content mentors) in my own unscientific way, most seem content because of something learned, investigated or revealed to them. In my essay, good Customer Service was an example. Contentment was introduced, accepted, and enjoyed. Yay. But it was a process of intellectual acrobatics, and the resulting CZ was free of outside tigers.

Plainly, there is nothing wrong with a properly investigated and supported CZ. But it is the result of active and purposeful IC. Modern politics is an example of improperly constructed CZs unnecessarily resulting in Tribe Over Truth (TOT). How many Democrats/Liberals watch Fox News? How many Republicans/Conservatives watch MSN? Everyone knows the answer. When talking with a conservatives I usually get the Fox News spiel, and when questioned, my conversational partner suddenly realizes he/she/them is/are being lured outside their CZ, and retreats to a “lower level of stress and anxiety”. It is probably the same for Liberals when questioned by good, IC Conservatives.

A conclusion: we cannot be IC with out leaving our CZ. Why?

A purposely blunt statement regarding the good of this country and our future: Blow up your political CZ! Don’t be a caveman inviting tigers to eat our future.

If it helps any, politician know all about IC-resistant CVs, and how to take advantage. All of them know. Let’s get THEM out of their CZs. Let us be the Tigers.

Blessings…really

I am of an advanced age and pretty much remember lots of stuff. Whether the memory is true or not, might never be able to proven. But those memories help a lot.

One of the things we all deal with is the occasional lack of focus, followed by the “Now what do I do?” question. Young people often use the old chestnut “I’m bored.” As thinking human beings, we then add activity to give us meaning or keep us from getting the old chestnut. Once, I spent an entire summer in a small, empty college town for the solitude. Ugh. There was a bar…

So where is the blessing from the title?

In 2023 I was afflicted with what I’ve come to call “The Calamities”. After a vigorous, active life free from major health issues, my apparent lifetime ration of health problems arrived all at once after age 71, as if they had been stored someplace waiting for the right time. The Calamities upended everything and even caused an immigration from the too-warm South to the hopefully not-too-cold North. Hey, just found a blessing: I moved in the spring and was here for the glorious, northern summer. Bad me, I sent many a pic back to friends when the southern heat topped 100 degrees. Bad me.

But the biggest blessing of all is the lack of down time for my brain. Since February of 2022 there have been tests, treatments, follow up tests, follow up treatments, and more follow up tests (for three afflictions), and financial issues to navigate. Even when I sit and recharge in The Chair, my mind never wonders what to do next, or what do I need to accomplish. No boring, wondering, empty time. Every second is spent on survival, including what happens if the treatments work and what happens if they don’t. And how much will it cost me. And where will I get the money. And…and..and…

When first arrived, I asked a friend where to volunteer. He asked me what could I do, what could I tolerate. We soon realized volunteering would have to wait for a better body and mind.

But I still did not suffer from lack of purpose or a lost way.

Plus, drum roll, there is a very big hope for the future…and that chance to volunteer.

How blessed is that?

Life…just wait a day…

Sorry about yesterday, but it illustrates, again, how life is–strange. I was sad.

Now, today, I’m not. There have been crises (Yes, that is correct) my entire life, as with most of us. For some reason, though, it’s hard to remember they will pass, life will go on, and often times better than before. If I wrote it on my hand it would wash off, so we’ll see how long it takes to forget if I write it here, because more crises are on the way. That’s life in our older days.

The two obvious differences between a young person crisis and an old person crisis is, one, the potential for a crisis is baked into old age as body parts fail, memory lapses, and young people get noisier. And, two, the time to recover. Much like investing, there is a time when you might not have enough time left make up what you lost. Youth is wasted on the young…

And there’s always the final crisis, the last trip to the hospital. When I worked with an aged population, they knew what going into a hospital meant: You didn’t always come out upright.

A lot of love has been lost in my life, and each time it was not as long as one might think before a new love took the old one’s place. But the recovery was helped by youthful vigor and activity, a “get right back on the horse” mentality. Besides not being able to mount anything now, there aren’t many horses my age around these parts, pardner.

Well, this turned into a complaint about old age, despite how hard I steered the other way. It isn’t wasted time, though, because we remember things better when we write them down. (Proof: See how often I remember that phrase?)

I’ll never, again, succumb to sadness during a crisis.

None, of you should, either.

Yeah. Right. Life, have at us.

Man…and Woman…Sigh…

A close, personal relationship just ended. It’s none of your business, but the mechanics of it might be: why is it so hard for men and women to communicate?

The Men from Mars and Women from Venus trope is tired, but true. A better example is the Black Box from management courses. It says we don’t talk to each other, we talk into a Black Box. And the other person doesn’t hear us, they hear what they take out of the Black Box. Is what is said into the Black Box what is heard FROM the Black Box? Very seldom…very, very, seldom.

My recent, personal issue is a text book example. It will be discussed here, in its simplest form, and you can fill in details, you’ve probably all been through the same thing…at some time.

A plan was designed to protect someone. Said “someone” did not understand The Plan. The Plan had to be implemented at a quicker pace due to The Calamities, and so was undertaken without the complete understanding of the “someone”.

The Plan has worked to (nearly) perfection for the “someone”, which makes the planner really happy.

But, sadly, the “someone” still doesn’t understand, and in fact, thinks less of The Plan now that it worked, than the “someone” did before. And thinks even less of the planner.

It’s an interesting dilemma. There is satisfaction The Plan worked, but sadness for the hatred it caused. It’s time for soul-searching. Time to understand what means most in life. Time to suck it up.

Worst of all, here is the only place to tell the story. Hope you don’t mind a really, personal entry. If anything humorous comes to mind, it may break the gloom of the previous stuff, but don’t count on it. Every time feeling sorry tries to hijack my mind, The Plan, and how good it is for “someone”…pleases me. It’s like a yo-yo.

“What we got here is…a failure to communicate. Some (women) you just can’t reach.”

The lessen learned which might be useless this late in life, is doing the right thing might not make you happy. And write stuff down. Use charts. Bullet points. Hand puppets. Anything to make the decisions in life can be successful…for both. But isn’t divorce/breaking up normally better for one than the other?

Whatever. Remember the Black Box. It’s part of your work life, private life, and news feeds. Kidding about the news feeds…maybe.

And apologies, again, for TMI, but there are others going through the same thing, kind of, maybe.

Life. You gotta love it.

Another Old Age Benefit: Jackson Browne

Here is a great benefit–and even a reason–for getting older: art.

Specifically, music. At a young age, I was exposed (in a good way) to Jackson Browne’s (JB) “Saturate Before Using” album. (Side bar to readers: you can substitute any artist or singer who entered your life at the years between 13 and 25.)

The music became the soundtrack of a youth well-meant, but misspent. There were young people this age who knew exactly what they wanted to be when they left this age, and they became lawyers, doctors, politicians, and other educated professional. But most of us were dreamers, malcontents, hopers, losers, and rebels. (Not without “cause”, since there were lots of those in the 60s and 70s.)

“Saturate Before Using” and all the following albums from this magnificent songwriter (again: substitute your own) were works seemingly tracking my life. Titles tell it better: “Waiting For Everyman”, “Rock Me On The Water”, “These Days”, “After the Deluge”, “Late For The Sky”, and those were just the 70’s. In later decades: “I’m Alive”, “Sleep’s Dark and Silent Gate”, and “The Pretender”.

Through the years his songs have been on vinyl LP albums with full liner notes and photos as well as 8-track, cassette, CD, MP3 and now digital mediums making his music available everywhere, anytime. You don’t need your room and a record player, anymore. The progress of the music delivery, alone, is cause to celebrate being old enough to enjoy. And don’t get me started on ear buds delivering a wall of perfect sound far out performing even the biggest speakers we packed in our small apartments. Downside, I don’t irritate the neighbors, now. Boston’s 1976 hit “More Than A Feeling” was much more than a feeling to people accidentally listening within the 1 mile radius of our stereo. Hey, they got the music for free, why did they complain?

But the real benefit of getting old is…drum roll…the music and musicians get older, too! I ponder how much better I am at my advanced age, but it’s positively amazing the how much better old music and old performers are*. If they’re still alive. Better, yet, you can see it and hear it. A favorite song written by JB, “These Days”, can now, not only be heard in its original 1960’s form, but the many ways JB has performed it over the last 60 years! I’ve spent an hour listening to decades of one song. And each time my ear buds hear something different, and evoke a certain time in my life. An added bonus: as with most songwriters, (again, sub in your favorite) other performers made their versions. (Eg,: “My Opening Farewell”, from the early seventies JB, remixed and posted on you tube by Bonnie Raitt in 2008.) Listen and you’ll feel lucky to be old and alive. (Important note: most of the music is on youtube. For free.)

If you do take the time to track your favorite artist, keep some tissues handy. And don’t fret about how much your favorite no longer looks like how you remember them. Jackson kind of looks like me, now.

Enjoy the life you lived, the life your favorite artist lived, and then relive it all again. What a world.

Hm. How do movie actors feel when THEY get old and can watch themselves as young performers? Imagine seeing yourself at 19, 29, 39, 49, and later…got to stop…

*Not a preposition, in this case, Strunk and White aficionados. Also, I don’t care if it is.

Language…Words…Tools?

The last post got me interested in the origins of words and languages. The usual suspects were consulted: The internet and Wikipedia.

The only true thing I learned is: nobody knows. In fact, according to Wikipedia, the evolution of language is such a difficult subject, its research was banned by The Linguistic Society of Paris in 1866 as a subject “unsuitable for serious study”. Study has not stopped, however, but why would it when the best theories cannot be unproven, and even the dumbest among us can have a go at it.

There is a consensus among us serious thinkers (I am now among them) that language took a long time to develop and will not reveal its secrets…ever. A theory which makes sense (as most do), is the appearance of stone tools. The existence of these tools meant the someone who invented the tools was sharing intelligence with others on how to make those tools. Makes sense. But then the theory fails to be taken seriously when we consider apes have–and use–tools of all kinds yet they can’t conjugate a verb. Or can they? For that matter, can we? And when the original tool maker pointed, grunted, and nodded approval to his apprentices, could they ever have imagined the concept of conjugation might find its way into the process?

A theory which is neat and tidy is the Alien Theory. Let me elucidate and explicate. Well-dressed and educated aliens were driving by eons ago and saw an empty-looking, green and blue ball.They stopped to take a leak and were surprised to find early humans hiding behind the bushes, watching. At that very moment, the aliens responded with something similar to our modern “WTF?”, and followed that up with an “LOL” when the the humans threw stone tools at the titanium spaceship. After washing their hands completely, the Aliens proceeded to set up tents for classroom instruction of the Native Earthians, who were forced to attend, unless they were sick. Masks were not invented, yet. Subjects were English 101 and Precalculas math. Pop quizzes were scored and failing humans were put on the spaceship for specimens to be examined on the ride home. The “smart humans” were set loose into the world to propagate their learning and population. And thus math and language were given to our world by somebody who couldn’t hold it in, any longer.

There’s no speculation on how the Aliens were treated when they got home, but Earth proceeded on its course to development, especially after the humans realized the apes “weren’t getting it” and all attention was then focused on the least hairy members of the clan/tribe/society. Shaving was invented around then, as well, using a really sharp stone. Smart, right?

Does any of this sound like a “subject unsuitable for study”?

Final thought? Language and words (and math, science, et. al.) are wonders we all should take part in, and enjoy. We will never get all the answers to all the questions, especially in our lifetimes, but enjoy the journey. Be more inquisitive about where “decimate” comes, from (deck a mate?)and less about who will win “Survivor”. Please.

Con Temp Late

Words are fascinating. How did they come to be? Who decided red meant red? Blue, blue? What was the first word ever uttered? “F$%^” when he/she/them stubbed his/her/them’s toe on a rock? Were his/her/them’s companions mortified at the vulgarity? How would they express it? Club to the head? A new, different word?

Would language and communication end if we all spoke a different language? Because we do, but have just enough understanding of basics to function, and most of those understandings are non-verbal: a smile, laughter, crying, actual physical, Three Stooges-violence. (Why, I otta..soytenly.)

The make up of words is fun to talk about. take the title word: Contemplate. An alien with limited knowledge would break the word down like the title. The noun version of Con (Discussion on “parts of speech” will follow after masters degree is finished) means against, Temp means not permanent, and Plate is something we use to eat our food. So the word means we are temporarily against eating off dinnerware? We are against eating off temporary plates?

Another option would be Con tem plate. We are against tem plates? Not another word.

Contemplate has survived attacks like this for centuries and held on to its accepted meaning: “think profoundly and at length”. But, sadly, in this time-sensitive world we live in the only people who have time to contemplate are the elderly, especially those inexorably (please look it up for its exact meaning) approaching senility. It’s all part of the “aged getting wiser” shtick, a myth which does not take into account bitterness, regret, and–worst of all–reminiscing. They take up so much time.

It’s easy to understand the lack of contemplation in youth, they don’t know shit, but why is contemplation not the norm for the engaged? The unemployed? Those inclined to addiction of any sort? And what about psychopaths? Actually, the latter may be excellent contamplators(sic), just in a twisted, unacceptable way.

It stands to reason(Stands? To reasons? Be right back googling. You should, too.) contemplation must be an everyday act, unless a barking dog is running after you. Thinking profoundly before we make make major decisions in life should be the norm. Sadly, my own experience and those of many divorced friends, shows thinking is done, but “profound thinking”? Not so much. (Fact from the infamous internet: 41% of first marriages end in divorce, 60% of second marriages end in divorce, and (bless their hearts!) 73% of third marriages end in divorce.) Don’t ask me…

Politics are where contemplation would be best practiced. All our politicians never seem to contemplate. Ask them a question and you get an immediate answer, either from memory, note binders, or teleprompters. (Are they Pre-contemplators?) Makes no sense, but the stupidest part is we, as voters, accept it.

Forgive me, it’s a beautiful morning and I made the mistake of trying to write something readable, here, before enjoying the sunshine. Should have thought more profoundly…

Contentment…again…

There was a debate this past week. A big, momentous, ballyhooed debate.

“Balleyooed”. Say it three times really fast and it will make as much sense as both candidates did in the debate. There is probably a drinking game where you take a shot after every “talking point” (TP) a candidate uses. Their faces scrunch up in reply to questions, searching for an opening for the TP(Toilet Paper?).

Question from moderator: “Is the sky blue?”

First Candidate: “It will be in my administration, as we ban all dark clouds due to our climate and environmental initiatives, including banning all methane activity and inventing cars that run on rhetoric.”

Second candidate: “Never again should this administration be allowed to leave our borders open, and put the lives of innocent dogs and cats at risk.”

There is a good chance someone reading this might think those were actual answers. They are not. But our political system (here he goes, again) is not built to get the best possible candidate. Stupid people from one party make sure their stupidest candidate is selected. Then the other party outdoes them with a stupider candidate. Then the nation votes. After that, excellent, un-selected candidates from both parties work tirelessly in the Senate and House to clean up the mess. Actually, it never gets cleaned up, just swept under the rug of the future. (Research Immigration, a subject never fully addressed since our founding.)

The cynic in me has to admit the candidates might not be stupid. They simply understand the game: get people to vote for me. It doesn’t take a genius to see the winner of a popularity contest (Prom King or Queen?) is not going to solve the world’s problems. But just once it would be nice to hear a candidate say: “I don’t know, but we’ll work on it”, which is really what they mean with every answer.

Over the years I’ve beaten this subject to death but the statement needs repeating: it is the VOTER’S fault. We need to DEMAND better so we can’t complain too much when the crown is placed on the other parties candidate

Are you Content? Happy? Both?

In an article titled “Is Contentment an Underrated Goal in Life?” By Jill Suttie | August 26, 2024. she reports on a study that “suggests contentment is a positive emotion with some unique benefits for people who seek it.

Researcher Yang Bai summarized her research for this study this way: “Compar[ed] to other positive emotions, contentment makes us more accepting of ourselves,” and “it can bring [people] the strength to accept the good and bad sides of their lives.”

Hmph. That’s not a grumpy noise, but a startled one, as if I just sat down, exhausted, after looking all over the house for my keys and then found them in my pocket. Dedicated readers may remember my August 1, 2024 essay titled “Why Now?” where contentment is happily reported as the possible by-product of misfiring neurons and tangled, silly synapses. (Silly? Synapses, synapse, synopsis, synopses, sinopsis, et.al.)

A fun-filled debate could be had about whether you’d want to be happy or be content, but I see it as the car you own. “Happy” is driving a high-powered Lamborghini with one, free tank of gas and one free month of insurance and maintenance. “Contentment” is driving an NHTSA (Look it up) 5-Star rated car which runs on human farts. I mean, very little gas.

Happy is hard to control. It’s like fireworks: it comes and goes as it pleases, with lengthy pauses to reinforce its spectacular return.

Contentment is the slow smoking of brisket, and the knowledge your hard work will pay off in the end.

Contentment seems easy to find: a good sunrise, actual help from someone in Customer Service, or having your Klondike bar melt perfectly without making a mess. Or having trees talk to you. It’s all around if we find the time and the way to see it.

The study noted above was also looking into whether or not people knew they were content. Or happy. Or if they even knew the difference. Ever have a very good day and wonder why no one else was? You just had a case of the Contentments. The saddest thing, ever, then would be you surrounded by contentment and not know it as you strive mightily for happiness.

Remember Yang Bais words about accepting the good and bad of our lives. Accept the contentment life offers, while waiting for the happiness you seek.

Now, I’m off to the Citadel of Contentment: The Chair. Hope you have one of those.