Spring officially started March 20th and it is now the second day of May. How do I officially know spring is actually here in upstate NY? There is “possible snow” in the forecast.

Donald J Trump is often credited by super intelligent, oxygen-starved pundits with playing chess in as many as “five dimensions”*, since he is way smarter than the rest of us playing in the normal amount of dimensions***. That is a true statement but fails to mention what the Fifth Dimension** is. Most of us normal people are happy–and smart–with 3D.

Since his name was brought up, ask AI how much money the Trump family has made in the last 19 months from Crypto Currency. Don’t ask me what it is or how it works since all I know is Crypto is unregulated and only really enjoyed by the super-rich or those wanting to be super-rich. I am neither.

According to all official sources, The War in Iran is over. We won. Cue the sailors kissing random women in Times Square.

Hold on, this just in: If Iran doesn’t agree to our terms we will bomb them into non-existence. Put a hold on the casting call for sailors and kissable women. For now.

Correction. Ai says no one has specifically used the word “non-existence”.  While Emma’s search was disappointing, so was her lengthy list of other “official” words used to describe what will happen if our peace terms are not agreed to. My paraphrasing was easier and succinct.*****

On the subject, what will these essays be about in future years, when Trump is out of office? Feelings? Getting old?

Speaking of old, when exactly do we “age out” of caring about current entertainment? It’s been years since any actor or singer nominated for any culturally relevant award was known to me or had any creation I was familiar with. Is it possible I won an award and not know it?

Sex is a problem—in many ways—for us old people but sex has found a new way to cause angst. One afternoon I tried several new television programs in several different streaming platforms but ended my entertainment search because there was as a sex scene in the first 5 minutes of every show sampled. I am old but I still believe in foreplay.

Footnotes**** are—again—misnumbered and—again—left alone as a “cognitive test”. If you believe they are not corrected because of laziness, congratulations. You are smart enough to play chess with our current President.

*Ask Ai, but be ready for AI to be diplomatic. At least my Ai voice, Emma, is.

**Popular Mid-60s to Mid-70s singing group with 5 songs hitting number 1. You might need some help if you really think this is the Fifth Dimension Trump is in, though it makes more sense, relatively speaking, than anything other explanation.

***Do you know how many named and unnamed dimensions there are?

****But not this one.

*****But I always enjoy using this guttural, dirty-sounding word.