Yeah, one of the nice things about life is, like, you know, there are funny things all around us, you know? Like words and language. Um, our modern communications, like, have been altered, you know, so that we can, like understand…enough.

While listening to modern sports announcer’s pontificate about the psychology and “unmeasured* value of modern athletes’ characters and idiosyncrasies, the viewing of the actual games improves dramatically when the TV is muted. A recent women’s soccer game was ruined by the announcer pair talking every single minute about something akin to “grit” or mental toughness that doesn’t show up in the final score. Where does it show up, then, the imagination? When did Americans get so verbose about sports? About everything? And the most used words in talk these days, are “like”, “you know”, and “Um”.  All are time fillers and attention resetters excusable in 19 year-old athletes facing TV cameras for the firs time but not in paid, professional speakers.

I can’t stand it, anymore.

Which brings us to The Word of the Essay. After 70 some years of babbling, reading, and writing, the conglomerative (sic) power of “stand” finally became obvious. But it stands (see?) to reason The Stand Secret would reveal itself, eventually. In the past few weeks, sports reporting in particular but news reporting in general, has exposed the exact atomic mass of Stand-Related words and terms. Imagine, if you will, what you are doing if you are “standing pat”. No, not standing PAT up, but can we ever stand anything horizontally? Maybe, stand down?

When you’re done with that, try standing still. Once in a while, too, try to look at an idea from someone else’s stand point.** It might change your stand on the issue.

And how about “with standing” something, as in withstanding a strong wind or stupid idea for an essay? If you’re not interested, you can stand alone. And you can be stand offish, if you can’t stand reading anymore. That might make you stand out.

The best “stand” word appeared in the first paragraph: under stand. What is it we are standing under? How high is understanding that we can fit under it? Ever hear of “over standing”? Me neither.***

As of this moment, the essay has come to stand still, and you have no standing to offer an opposing opinion.

And I stand behind everything written so far.

I’m headed outside to open a Lemonade Stand. With a lot of sugar.****

*Specifically: “He (the athlete in question) contributes more to the team than shows up in the stats.” The announcer knows this and has to make sure we do, too.

**For emphasis I am separating “stand.”

***Emma, of Ai fame, has a wonderful time explaining “stand” but I like the definition that declares the use of “two feet”. Makes one wonder what to say an upright, peg-legged pirate is doing? Half-standing?

****Apologies to all the standout readers not mentioned in the body of the essay. You know who you are.