The Illness is still with my mother but things aren’t going the way The Illness planned.

There was a flurry of medical activity, and crisis after crisis as mom took the best shots The Illness offered. Heart stoppages, infections, tumors, pneumonia…

None succeeded in convincing the stubborn, 84 year-old Dutch woman to let loose her mortal coils.

She fights on and as a son I wonder where the strength comes from and will my life be the same if I am blessed to reach 84.

As a human I ponder the condition of her life, the quality of her existence, and the purpose of the fight.

Were anyone to know the truth of heaven, would anyone fight The Illness or embrace it? Why is fighting until your last breath such a noble, brave thing to do?

Smart, educated people say the world has been around millions of years. Eighty four pales in comparison. Probably billions have died through the ages. What were they thinking?

It is nothing new for a man to wonder about existence and life after death, about mortality, but the wonder only becomes real when you get close to it.

And being near The End of someone you love is as close as one can get.

Those of us with no real say about mom’s decision know what we want.

We hope it is the same thing she does.