It’s August in North Carolina and I just mowed the lawn.

For the uninformed or alien, a lawn is a naturally green accessory normally surrounding  a house purchased by a young couple starting a life together. (Note to fact-checkers: Las Vegas lawns are “green” but not by nature.)

The worth of said accessory is a relative value calculated in different ways by those who enjoy it, and those who care for it. Additionally, the younger the home purchasers the closer the value between the Enjoyer and the Carer. At a young age the cutting, trimming, watering, fertilizing, and weed-eating chores are labors of love for a beloved part of the household.

Knowing the name of this post, you may have already deduced the result of the aforementioned value judgement when a number of years have passed: The Enjoyee feels the same but The Carer…well…does not.

The Carer is usually male, and usually wears out with age. The passing years skew the value of the lawn–in the eyes of the aged Carer–and results in a negative number.

But this is not about the value of the lawn, it is about its longevity: it is unreasonable and  unfair.

For example, all Carers know if we do not get water to the lawn (except in Vegas) the lawn will die. Much like us.

All Carers also know a healthy, vibrant lawn is the result of weeding, nurturing, fertilizing and trimming. Much like us.

But if we stop caring for a lawn, does it continue to grow? Yes, it does. Do we?

And as The Carer rests with an ice-cold beer and ponders the trimmed, green carpet that is The Lawn, how unfair is it that The Carer cannot do the same for himself? Is there a way to trim, cut, weed, water, or pray that will result in The Carer looking the same every week? For years and years?

Every local mirror says no.

This was going to be a list of whiny questions us old people ask when the harsh light of existence puts us in its spotlight, but it isn’t as much fun to spout unanswerable questions, now, as it was in the early days when the questions, themselves, intimated answers the life ahead would surely reveal.

For now, a freshly mowed lawn and cold beer on a hot day are better than answers.

If only the lawn would show a little gray…or go bald…